Friday, February 19, 2010

I'm positive there's absolute vacuum inside my skull... Oh wait, you already know that , don't you??

Note: The following post has no point (as usual)... and will be a total waste of your time... but you are jobless anyways, so go on... have a dekko:

So, today was the last day of my first week in my new office.... and I have to tell you guys that I feel absolutely...


No. Seriously. D-U-M-B.

And, young... as in not the “18 till I die” young... rather the I-feel-like-a-toddler-who-just-pooped-in-her-pants young.

Alright, technically I probably am the youngest, at the tender- sweet age of nineteen. Everyone else’s got to be at least twenty two. But the age ain’t the point... the point is the brains.

People in my office... interns, executives alike... are smart. Like, shit smart. Like, super-duper shit smart. Like, super- duper uber shit... oh well, you get the point.

This in turn makes me feel like a bonehead.

 (Yeah something like that... though Homer is way cooler *sigh*... Courtesy Google)

How I managed to get into one of the “100 Best Companies to Work For”, I don’t know. Maybe the interviewers were drugged or high when they met me. Or probably the guy who forwarded my resume to the HR put a gun to their head or something. The whole ‘deserving candidate’ rant sounds kinda insane. I feel so inane... I’m positive that it was a stroke of sheer luck (... I love you Fortuna) that I managed to score in 10th, 12th and somehow, even my CA- Inter (Oh, didn’t I mention that before?? I cleared it... Wooohooooo! Yeah, despite the whole “actually bad exams” rant... which again means that everyone thinks I feign the whole “I’m gonna flunk” soliloquy... *sigh*)

Back at work, every single person keeps shouting words like ‘section 10A’, ‘downstream investments’ and ‘arm’s length price’ like everyday ‘hi’, ‘hello’ and ‘fuck’. And of course, I don’t get most of stuff... nor do I understand any of their tax-related jokes (“oh, now you are being unfair... that’s not at arm’s length... HAHAHAHA !”... What??!!)

I’m positive I know nothing about the Income Tax Act, how I got a 67 in my tax paper (oh, I didn’t tell you that either?? Double-Wooohooooo!!... ) is a sixty-four-thousand-dollar question (‘cause “million- dollar” is so passé...)

Of course the Einstein- clones are actually damn, damn nice people... so I actually fessed up to a guy that I am clueless about everything ‘cause my brain cells died out on me I’m from an auditing background. So he gave me quite a lot of stuff to read... and I’ve promised him (... and myself) that I’ll do some sincere studying (...don’t snort, I really will... hopefully). By the way, that’s all I did this week... read through stuff ‘cause I was too demented new to be given any substantial task... and all the LCD- staring from 9 am to 7 pm means my eyeballs feel like desiccated prunes.

Obviously I had the supreme job of “pretending to be busy” to ensure that people don’t smirk at me... though I am positive no one bought it. So, I would furrow my eyebrows in full concentration when the Partner (read: Boss Almighty) would pass by, acting as if I totally understood all the Latin, Hebrew, Zulu and Swahili that was flooding the monitor in front of me.

Honestly, I was so jobless... I Googled random stuff like cannibalism, holocaust and Paul Rudd (one word... 'Therapy')

Also, like most in the South, people here are amazing at English... not the everyday I-am-so-Yankee English we use... the proper 1800s English... so, when it comes to everyday conversation lingo, you hear stuff like ‘cooled my heels’ ... and ‘quaint’ ...and ‘succinct’... and ‘surmise’...and ‘fuck, I’m royally screwed’... oh wait, that was me.

Anyhow, I hope I’d manage to learn some stuff so that they don’t kick me out in the first month itself (yeah, yeah... maybe I am paranoid).

By the way, Dad was in Bombay for the past couple of days, and apparently he spotted my doppelganger at the airport there... he said she was like my ditto in every goddamn way, albeit slightly older. He, apparently, was so fascinated that he stared at the female for almost an hour (smooth Dad... very smooth).

*Sigh*... I knew the world was one big Ekta Kapoor soap opera... and yet we keep abusing the poor bitch female.



Ramchandra said...


Why do your posts have to contain nothing yet be funny? :P

Kidding..i still don't like it that you beat me in today's chat where you told me you get paid. :P

Awesome man..I love your blog and all the posts.

Krittika... said...

Thanks!!! :)... like you said, life is one big joke... and I like to treat it as one... sometimes, lol.

As for getting paid... well, the rate at which they make us slog... we should be given bunglows... and cars :P

Pan said...

hmmm sounds like a really boring job, how do you do it? i so admire people who can do stuff like this that makes no sense to me. hats off to you girl for landing the job and keeping it so far ! well done :)

Rohit Saha said...

Your Dad is soo freaking coool ! :-D

Krittika... said...

@ Pan... the job ain't boring, its just that everything goes right over my head :P... and yeah i've managed to keep it thus far :)

@ Rohit... yeah, i know, i know :P

chefspeaks said...

Wow, I just realized you've transitioned into a professional blogger!
You make me proud! *sniff*

Krittika... said...

awww! thanks!! :D