Sunday, June 27, 2010

So, apparently I almost killed a guy today...

"Guess who’s back... Back again...

TT’s back... run away*..."

* By the end of this post, you’d be pretty convinced this is how it should be

The hellos my bloggies!!...

This blogger’s block seems to have taken a pretty nasty toll on me... and the internship is not helping the creative drought. And how's my life, you ask??... well, the past two months have been pretty much the same, save one super fun party, which involved a wee-bit of vodka and truck-loads of bullcrap (courtesy... of course... yours truly)...

Anytwaddle... turns out the driving lessons I took few months back (...  erm, remember the soooper fun manager??... yeah) were pretty futile ‘cause I’m positive I’ve forgotten what little drivin’ I’d learnt, and the late nights in office ultimately lead to Dad suggesting that I get a scooty, at least till the time I properly learn to drive a car (read: stop being a threat to public life and property...)

Also, I figured since I’d done some cycling as a kid (and had not managed to injure anyone or anything in the process...) I’d manage a scooty decently. Plus, every single person in my office drives a two- wheeler with ease, so why not?

(I’d of course forgotten the crucial detail that every person is not an epic klutz like me)...

So, the parents and I went scooty shopping today... and ended up purchasing an aqua (yeah, aqua... and I paid freakin’ 2.5 grand extra ‘cause it’s an exotic-sounding-colour or something to that effect...) Scooty Pep. Which is awesome, ‘cause I’d always wanted a Pep ever since it was launched back when I was in 10th grade or something.

All said and done, the salesman offered we take a test ride before buying the thing... and my Dad offered to ride it (... and he looked pretty hilarious riding an aqua scooty at that) It was all good till the sales guy asked me if I wanted to give it a shot. And obviously, whatever little brain cells I had left decided to die out on me at that very instant, and I immediately took it like a five year old who’s being offered sour candy. And started the damn thing without having any fucking clue about the brakes, accelerator or gears (... actually, I still got no clue whether the thing has gears in the first place...) So, a little bit of tweaking here and twisting there, and before I know it.... my innocent- looking aqua scooty flew outta my control like a freakin’ bull at a Spanish bull-fight.

So there I was, screaming and freaking the bat crap outta myself, and before I could swerve the damn thing, it went and hit a guy who was standing nearby and supposedly enjoying my comical attempts at riding the bike.


like super-duper oops.

So now this guy starts yelling as to how I am Lucifer’s retarded twin, and how his wife and children would die of starvation because I nearly handicapped him. I obviously stood there like a ten-year old caught cheating on a Math test, while my Dad offered to get some medical help. Thus, Mom and I ended up waiting for over two hours at the showroom, while Dad took this guy to get an X-Ray done.

And all the while I kept thinking that I’d probably get arrested for attempted murder... which was highly uncool because my weapon of attack was a scooty which looked like it belonged to an oversized Malibu Barbie... and my grandkids would think I was some kinda douchebag for not being jailed for far cooler reasons... like throwing knives at men wearing bell-bottoms or something.

Anyhoo, Dad turned up after a few hours with “fatally injured” guy who, as it turned out, received nothing but a couple of scratches and a slight swelling on his right leg. A little talk and a couple of grands solved the matter, and I stood there thoroughly embarrassed while the victim of my assault kept repeating to every onlooker how I tried to attack him with my weapon of mass-destruction.

Given the awesomeness of this fiasco, I’ve realised that I probably shouldn’t be driving my newly-acquired scooty for at least a month without adult supervision, lest I end up causing any more harm to human lives...


                                                                Courtesy Google....

PS: Dad says my name should totally go in the Guiness records for being the only possible human absolutely capable of murdering people with a scooter. Awesome.


Kavitha said...

rofl.. :D trust madrasis to exaggerate the situation.. :P

I would have loved to see your expression when he started yelling @ you.. He blabbered in Tamizh rite? :P Tamil People (read- my grandma) are famous for incessant ranting..

& as for your driving, you can ask "experts" to help you out.. I'm sure they will be more than willing to sit behind you & guide you all the way.. :D

Ramchandra said...


1.The thing does have gears.But you don't have to worry about them since all scooters are autogears, apart from Honda Eterno and the eternally present Bajaj Chetak and one or two more.
2.You gotta accelerate slowly when you first drive.My uncle who supervised my first ride on my scooter gave me a lecture and told me i wasn't John Abraham and life isn't Dhoom.I just misjudged and rotated the accelerator too much too quickly,there wasn't any intention to ape Mr. Abraham I assure you.
3.Am sure there are many out there who've killed using a scooter, not sure with Pep though.
4.Scooty Pep? Seriously? There isn't a more girly bike in India girl! Oh wait, you are a girl :P
5.Still Scooty Pep? A red and black Dio would be sooo much better :P
6.This comment really is too long.
7.Yay! @ you writing a blogpost again!!
8.Congratulations on your new weapon.
P.S: I wasn't allowed to drive my scooter outside my colony for a month too. Good thing i now realised, all my accidents took place in the first week i drove it outside.Now i ride as if i own the roads, and 80 seems slow, i cant drive more than that on my Dio :(

chefspeaks said...

oh woww that shudve really freaked u out when he started yelling at u! omg tamil swears are soo harsh!! i hope it wasnt that bad for u! but hey scooty pep?! dio or activa wouldve been better really! they're heavier but one doesnt tend to fly in the air cuz trust me the first time i rode a scooty pep i actually flew n hit against the divider! good luck with the driving!